we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
