I'm eating all of the evidence.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
