from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize