Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
