Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
In other news, I just burned my penis
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
