just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
home. puking in laundry basket.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
