his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
