i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
they're like a gay fantastic four
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
