He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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