Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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