apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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