i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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