anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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