does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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