yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
