I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
