I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
