i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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