there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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