I wanna passion pit in your ass
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
