Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just forgot I was standing up.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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