i just made my gag reflex go away.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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