Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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