I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
