Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He passed out mid-signature
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
