glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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