now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
