My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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