Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
