ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
