so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
