You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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