he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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