when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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