And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
