He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
