I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
