the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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