It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
