Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
