YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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