I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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