whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
