Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you didnt know i had herpes?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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