Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
