you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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