It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Randomize
