I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
