thus making me awesome and them whores
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
