There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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