I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
