I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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