I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
