I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
